December 9th, 2008 by 
thien
10 Tips to Avoid Looking Like a Cycling Rookie – By Kurt Gensheimer
With the recent explosion in cycling popularity through the dominance of Lance Armstrong, the United States is experiencing record growth in the sport of cycling. This is a particularly encouraging development in a country which has largely associated cyclists with automotive target practice using projectiles like Gatorade bottles and 7-11 Big Gulps.
Each day a new cyclist dons his or her two wheeled steed for the first time is a day where more people learn to tolerate the sport. However, if you go out on the road and look like the quintessential cycling geek who clearly doesn’t know what they’re doing, you will only hurt the cyclist’s cause for social acceptance.
We all have to start somewhere, and I was definitely not immune to being a neophyte. I had all the rookie characteristics: the obscenely large helmet, haggard looking shorts, baggy jersey, hairy legs, greasy chain marks on my calves, bobbing posture on the bike – oh yes, I was indeed a tool.
However, not all rookies have to be subject to ridicule. There is a way to look experienced without having thousands of miles under your legs; you just have to pay attention to the details. This article is targeted towards folks who are new to the sport of cycling and wish to avoid the potential embarrassment I was put through as a rookie.
Tip 1: No Pro Kits
The cardinal violation in trying to be a cool cyclist is when you buy a full professional team kit (jersey, shorts, socks, etc.) of a team you do not ride for. Nothing screams ROOKIE louder than a full Discovery Channel uniform on a non-payroll cyclist. Steer clear of these overpriced kits. The only time these types of jerseys are acceptable is when they are vintage. General rule of thumb is 10 years after a team’s disbanding. For instance, if you hit the road in a vintage Motorola or Coors Light jersey, you get big style points. Just make sure you know a few of the cyclists who rode for those teams so that when approached by other cyclists, you can sound knowledgeable.
Tip 2: Buy the coolest helmet you can afford
When it comes to helmets, don’t skimp. You are going to be wearing this piece of equipment all the time (hopefully), and you want to be motivated to put it on. If you have some cheapo brain bucket or a nicer one that is two sizes too small, you’ll never want to wear it. Back in the day when I was young and stupid, I thought riding around with no helmet and gel that made my hair glisten was cool – well, it wasn’t. My Giro Pneumo helmet looks far cooler than my bare cranium, especially when it’s hemorrhaging blood after a head-over-shammy 30 mile per hour crash.
Cool helmet or hemorrhaging cranium? I’ll take the helmet, please.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Sorry but except for #10, this is really lame.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:53 am
I’m pretty sure this is all in jest…
December 10th, 2008 at 9:16 am
I have a beef with #1. Sure, full Disco kits scream Fred, but a wisely chosen Pro kit can be very cool for a cyclist with no racing intentions. For example, I’m terrible at basketball, but love the sport. So when I go down to shoot some hoops, do I wear a jersey from my local DII college? No, I wear my Jordan 23 jersey. In the same way, a full Cofidis (not Astana or Garmin) kit can come off nicely on your Saturday morning coffee ride.
There are two guidelines for pulling this off: #1 You must choose a kit that reveals something about your cycling taste and isn’t a cliche. #2 You must have no intention of racing or even winning a town-limit sprint. This kit says ‘I love cycling and pro racing, but I realize I’m not one of them’.
Also, rule #11 needs to be added: Don’t wear a sleeveless jersey, this isn’t a triathlon. If USAC doesn’t allow it, your probably shouldn’t wear it.
December 10th, 2008 at 9:36 am
I agree with the other comment, other than #10, I don’t get anything else. Who really cares what the rider wears, what his bike looks like, or how they carry their water. The more important fact is that they are out there riding, getting some exersize and enjoying the ride. As long as they can keep up and do it safely, does anything else matter?
December 10th, 2008 at 10:16 am
>>Karl Wrote: There are two guidelines for pulling this off: #1 You must choose a kit that reveals something about your cycling taste and isn’t a cliche. #2 You must have no intention of racing or even winning a town-limit sprint. This kit says ‘I love cycling and pro racing, but I realize I’m not one of them’.
Also, rule #11 needs to be added: Don’t wear a sleeveless jersey, this isn’t a triathlon. If USAC doesn’t allow it, your probably shouldn’t wear it.
Good insight Karl! This article made me laugh but it also gave me insight on road culture undercurrent.
I have a couple full pro team kits and it got me wondering… can I pull them off? Your advice rings true. The answer is no btw. I think my full Colnago skinsuit has got to go. I don’t even own a Colnago any more anyway.
For the sleeveless jersey, I showed up on a club interval training ride on a 95 degree day. I thought I’d be smart and wear a sleeveless jersey. A couple acquaintances let me have it, half-joking of course. I said ‘whuuut? Did I miss a memo?’ Now I know. I’ll still wear it though… when it’s 105 degrees.
fc
December 10th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Author here. I’m totally welcome to any and all criticism about the article, ego-stroking praise or outright keyboard lashings (actually, I prefer the lashings. Far more entertaining!)
But take this for what it’s worth: Everything I’ve included here – from the perspective of a 15+ year racer who briefly attained Cat 1 status with futile visions of being a roadie pro in the late 1990s – is advice you should consider if you’re trying to be a seriously experienced cyclist who knows what he/she is doing.
But if you simply don’t care about what others think of you, or are completely secure in wearing your Hulkamania cycling jersey with matching green helmet, then you can completely disregard every tip on this list.
This article is for people who don’t want to stand out in cycling circles as ‘that guy’ or ‘that gal’.
And to Karl, dude, rule #11? C’mon! Nothing is cooler or more punk rock than an old, sleeveless Brooklyn jersey. I still rock my old sleeveless Enfants Z jersey on occasion while riding my ‘89 Bridgestone RB1 with full Dura-Ace 10.
Roadies are usually too uptight, so breaking out the sleeveless helps put matters into check.
- Genshammer
December 10th, 2008 at 11:18 am
#11: Don’t ride w/ a bento box
#12: Booties should always be black…white is OK on race day.
#13: Dont mix and match team kits.
#14: Dont wear your leg warmers over your shorts, many pros seem to think this is cool…they are clearly wrong.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Don’t base your ideas of what’s cool on article written about ‘what’s cool’
December 10th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
@Hooptie…
What’s wrong with a bento box? It provides easy access to food on the long rides or Gu. I love mine.
December 10th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
“Don’t wave at other cyclists”
Its not like we are in some secret club.
December 10th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
I am a rookie, so I don’t mind sounding like one:
What’s up with removing the reflectors in your wheels? Seems like a Kamikaze action just to look cooler.
Men with shaved legs might be “cooler” for cyclists, but not so cool for people with a life beyond cycling. I get the road-rash argument, but once you look past that, the “coolness factor” seems a bit insular to me.
December 10th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
If you think these rules are lame then you’re the TOOL he is talking about. We all know biking is about being cool. I mean nothing is cooler than Tyler Durden rubbing his well tanned legs down with baby oil before hitting the local downtown crit for cat. 3 crashing/racing in his jean short bibs and Ben and Jerry’s jersey. In racing you need people to love you, can’t do it on your own. So if you are a tool who rocks a orange $20 bell helmet, mesh back vest with nothing under, hair and elastic sticking up through shorts your and riding a 54cm when you are 6′3″ in the middle of the weekend race pack then you are a TOOL even your own coach won’t talk to. That is until till you beat his old ass from Bartlett Lake to Cave Creek. Then you’re the man.
The Mayor
December 10th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
>> … then you are a TOOL even your own coach won’t talk to.
fc
December 10th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
>> What’s up with removing the reflectors in your wheels? Seems like a Kamikaze action just to look cooler.
Reflectors are made mandatory for kids and DUI drivers who lost their license. So we are all forced to have those reflector on our bikes even though we have zero intention of riding at night on a racing bike.
If you ride at night, you need proper lighting. Batteries, LEDs, Lumens. Not silly reflectors.
The real offenders are the spoke protetectors that you find between the cogset and the spokes of the rear wheel. It is the ugliest exclamation that one does not know how to tune their bike (because it is useless on a properly adjusted bike).
December 10th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
I found the article amusing to read, and reminsce…
I do like riding hairy and wasting guys in sprints, even after a decade of being gone. Your article is all about ego, more than cool, IMHO. I believe that new cyclist should learn how to handle their bike, learn to draft, learn to corner in gravel, learn how to maintain pace, get the right equipment ie cogset and the rest will fall into place.
Best of all, don’t be cool… ask questions and the guys who are knowledgeable, will give you a hand up. Don’t be something your not… that is a TOAD
December 10th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
>> “Nothing is cooler or more punk rock than an old, sleeveless Brooklyn jersey. I still rock my old sleeveless Enfants Z jersey on occasion while riding my ‘89 Bridgestone RB1 with full Dura-Ace 10.”
Kurt, I’ll have to cede to your experience here. I’ve never come across a sleeveless jersey done with style, but I trust you know what you’re doing.
December 10th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
So why is that everything makes one a cool roadbiker is so hideously uncool in every other facet of life – even every other form of bicycling?
December 10th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
@Hooptie:
white cotton shoe covers are completely acceptable in training. it does not have to be race day to wear them. they cost $20 and are a simple way to keep your feet warm. colors BESIDES white or black are rather silly on any day, race or not. the same principle that applies to saddles and bar wrap applies to gloves and shoe covers: black or white, nothing else.
@LostViking:
Dude, if you’re a cyclist then you ride your bike. Riding a bike with chewbacca legs not only makes you a rolling bugtrap and a dirtbag, but it looks completely ridiculous. If it’s not “cool beyond cycling,” and that concerns you, you aren’t a cyclist.
@Paul:
Just because someone is “out there getting some exercise” doesn’t give them carte blanche to look like a complete idiot. You wouldn’t say “hey, it’s ok to show up to a dinner party in dirty sweatpants… as long as they’re being cordial and polite, who cares?” At least I don’t think you would say that. Anyway the article is just pointing out why tools are so obvious to everyone besides other tools. In reality, it’s supposed to help them not be tools.
@Erik:
You had better be kidding about the Bento Box.
December 10th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
I can not believe this crap is even published on the site. Just some numb skulls opinion of what every one should look like. You forgot to tell us what kind of bike to ride too. Dumbass.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
I’m sorry and I know about a thousand other people said the same thing. Who cares? Go out and ride you bike and don’t care what people think. Cycling now is all about a look and what setup you have. Just go ride you bike. This article is rediculous and embarrassing. Shame on you, you self concious jackass.
December 11th, 2008 at 12:02 am
>> So why is that everything makes one a cool roadbiker is so hideously uncool in every other facet of life – even every other form of bicycling?
It starts and ends with one word. Lycra.
At least we’re not sportin triathlete mankini’s.
fc
December 11th, 2008 at 6:53 am
I wear team kits and am not a pro but I’m not a novice either. Got two Bianchis. Look for closeouts on teams that rode Bianchis so they usually cheaper than other gear, but the bottom line is I don’t wear them for other cyclists…I wear them for auto drivers.
Bright colors, logo’s all over, and they don’t know I’m not a pro. They don’t know that I’m only averaging 19mph vs 21mph. I don’t really care what other cyclists wear but it appears the Lexus drivers do and consequently it seems I get a little more respect out there.
I’ve got some plain color stuff and even a pair of cycling ’shorts’. I wear those and I got drivers honking and pointing to the sidewalk, not giving me my turn at the stops signs, etc. so I’ve given up on wearing them during my 32m commute and my training rides. They are relegated to trips around town or the bike trails and riding with novices.
I’ll take that over any other riders opinion about whether I am cool or not.
December 11th, 2008 at 7:09 am
One thing the prick author missed, and I’ll bet this pisses him off when it happens to him. There is nothing better than catching bozos like him, watching them struggle to keep up, then dropping them when the time is right leaving them gasping for air. Leaves ‘em wondering how did that guy that’s so \uncool\ just kick my butt. The ultimate cool is to outperform everyone else while not looking the part. I say, go ride, get fast and show up those elitist snobs on the road. If they won’t talk to you then, it’s because they can’t.
December 11th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Hmmm, While I agree with 10 isn’t cycling all about the freedom it brings you? The thrill of riding down a back country road with nothing but you, your bike and the noise of a ticking chain over the cassette?
I have a name for those who insist on wearing the Euro wear and are more concerned about thier appearance then thier performance. I call them peacocks. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Sure you might look cool but if looking cool is better then getting owned by a weekend warrior on his huffy with a 1980 helmet and shorts with holes then feel free to spend gobs of money on that stuff.
Samantha
December 11th, 2008 at 11:04 am
So, a failed wannabe pro is publishing the Top Ten ways to avoid looking like a Tool? Does anyone else see the irony here? Kurt, suggestion number one, stop trying to recreate your “glory days”, and just ride!
December 11th, 2008 at 11:21 am
I wish I could fit into that La Vie Claire jersey without looking like the Michelin man. Were all freds as far as i’m concerned.
December 11th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Haha…great article Kurt!
How ’bout this one:
-When it’s your turn to pull the paceline, don’t rocket up to 5 mph faster than the paceline was already going! I’ve seen newbies commit this faux pas a few times.
December 11th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Observation taken, Lance, but I don’t really see the irony. Now on the other hand, if, perchance, your last name is Armstrong, irony abounds in your comment about re-living the ‘glory days’. Good luck in ‘09, buddy!
December 11th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Why call the article says “10 tips to avoid looking like a cycling rookie”, and then only describe road racing/training, the “roadie” culture? Is that the only legitimate way to bicycle? I don’t doubt what you write is true for some people, but “cycling” is a pretty wide and diverse sport. Even “road” cycling is pretty all inclusive – look at all the different forums on the RBR! Do roadies really point and laugh at a commuter with reflectors or a randoneer with a large saddlebag or a hipster on a fixed gear with hairy legs or a car-free lifestyle cyclist peddling an Xtra-cycle in non-lycra street clothes? And that’s not even including the various groups of “off-road” cyclists. Actually, I think nearly every group of cyclists have their own unwritten rules of what is “cool” and what newbie’s look like or do.
I’d love to see Grant Peterson’s reaction to this article – now THAT would be entertaining.
December 11th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
I have to agree so much with #1… No FULL cycling kits unless you are sponsored or are supporting a cause etc. Sure a current team jersey of your favourite team but please, black shorts.
December 11th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Found a lot of this informative, but as far as reflectors and shaved legs…I think I’ll go my own way on those. I ride for fun and exercise, if that means I’m not a “cyclist”, well then so be it.
December 11th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Wow, lots of thoughts on this one.
FR, I don’t agree with your analogy comparing proper dinner etiquette to what to wear cycling, but that’s just me.
It’s been 15 years or so since I gave up riding on the road and went to the dirt, where by the way, nobody cares what you’re wearing or if your legs are shaved. I just recently picked up a road bike a couple of weeks ago to start riding again to get more saddle time in and to spend more time with my wife since she never got into mtn. biking. When I saw the title, I was actually looking forward to reading it thinking that it would give me some good tips on being a better rider and knowing how to interact in a group riding scenario. After reading it, I actually questioned my decision on getting back on the road. I’m hoping that this is only the thoughts of 10% of the cycling community and is not representative of the entire community. From reading the comments, I think this is the case. Hopefully, when not just riding alone or with my wife, I’ll find a group that shares my feelings, if not, I’ll go it alone. I’ll keep up with the pace, hold my line, call out obstacles, make sure my bike is maintained, but I won’t to as far as shaving my legs just because someone thinks I look like a tool if I don’t. I’m out. Hope to see you all on the road sometime!
December 11th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
I don’t shave my legs anymore, because I don’t compete anymore. It just doesn’t make any sense to do so. Besides, I love the fact that it drives some of the uptight purists nuts when I ride with them. Btw, does anyone know where I can find reflectors that will fit on the spokes of my Cosmic Carbone SLR’s?
December 12th, 2008 at 1:29 am
“And to Karl, dude, rule #11? C’mon! Nothing is cooler or more punk rock than an old, sleeveless Brooklyn jersey. I still rock my old sleeveless Enfants Z jersey on occasion while riding my ‘89 Bridgestone RB1 with full Dura-Ace 10.
Roadies are usually too uptight, so breaking out the sleeveless helps put matters into check.
- Genshammer”
Pot, meet kettle.
December 12th, 2008 at 8:23 am
Wow. As a newbie all this uptight, fashion-oriented BS makes me not even want to ride. It’s about the exercise, no? And I feel bad for the guy with the beard. Geeks unite!
December 12th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Very entertaining article. Maybe you guys should lighten up and not take everything so seriously. If you’re an Afghan sweater hair legged bearded hippie that lubes his chain with motor oil… you won’t care what this article says because you don’t bother reading silly cycling articles on the internet. As for me… pardon me while I sheepishly go shave my legs!
December 12th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Sounds like we need to set up a time for Jeff and Kurt to square-off.
Foothill Expressway, high noon. Race the unofficial worlds course…from El Monte to Arastradero.
Sorry, no recumbents.
Winner gets a Livestrong jersey, a yellow Trek headband that reads “I never tested positive”, and an oven mitt.
December 12th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Wow, does the author have some old junior high issues to work through or what? This guy wreaks of douchebaggery. I thought the only losers where the ones who didn’t get off of the couch. Apparently, I was wrong.
December 12th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Has anyone ever heard the Dane Cook joke about how everyone has a friend that nobody likes. Whenever that person is not around, the group loves to cut that person down. We all know someone like that, right? If you don’t know someone like that, you are that person! Same goes here. If you were going out to play golf you wouldn’t wear your baseball hat backwards and an Eagles Jersey with cargo shorts in camo design would you? If you would then I again say you must be that person! True it’s about the exercise no doubt but you’re still a tool. Great article Kurt.
December 13th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Riding on city streets is cool, especially as a lifestyle for eco-friendly transportation. In that case, staying alive is also cool. Hence I take issue with the rear-view mirror comment. Yes, they look hopelessly, ridiculously geeky. But getting disfigured or killed by the lady in an SUV on a cell phone with screaming in the car is worse. I want to know she’s approaching. And when I see someone about to open a parked car door on me, I want to react instantly by getting over without having to look over my shoulder. The guys who write the Road Bike Rider newsletter are diehard advocates of these because who would drive a car without a rear-view mirror? Same principle applies. My nightmare is an injury that would prevent me from riding at all, cool or tool.
December 13th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Nothing wrong w/a mirror on the helmet or glasses. Yes I do want to know when I about to be hit by a car. I am also better able to plan my “take the lane” moves & signal cars that I see them & when it is safe to pass. THEY (car drivers) appreciate these small gestures & that makes my ride safer.
December 13th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Except for #10- this is silly- or even dangerous.
Mirrors are used by legions of very experienced cyclists who logged their 1st 100k mi before you were born (and have lived to keep riding!!). I wish more riders wore mirrors rather than making bonehead moves because they missed seeing a car or another rider.
And experienced night-time commuters know reflectors are used IN ADDITION to decent lights, and are required by law in many places.
BTW- Remind me to skip Kurt’s group rides.
December 14th, 2008 at 8:32 am
I’m not sure if the sport of road cycling is cool enough to warrant an article about how to not look uncool.
Surfing is really cool. Sailing. Skiing and snowboarding through off-piste through the trees with powder flowing like liquid over your thighs. Scuba and free-diving, at night with lights-off, grooving on your partner’s phosphorescent-plankton blue-light clouds. Mountain-biking, which is why the ratio of teenagers and young twentysomethings doing that to those doing road-biking is like 1000 to 1, whereas the vast majority of road-riders are middle-aged.
Rolling on pavement? Before you roadies get too full of yourselves, get real: you’re all dependents of the federal Department of Transportation, and the local Public Works Department. They make your activity possible.
When you can paddle through 15 foot surf and survive wipeouts in the impact zone with tons of water dropping towards your head, when you get tubed and hear not crashing water but a deep thrumming caused by the tube’s resonating as a natural horn, which you are inside, when you ride with sea lions and dolphins, and one time even a baby gray whale comes up to within 10 feet of you to check you out, and you could paddle over and pet him if you wanted to, then you’ll know what cool really means. It’s an experience of connecting with nature, and her forces and creatures that riding on civilization’s asphalt cannot remotely approach.
I don’t live near the ocean or mountains now, so I ride for exercise. Last week I was on a bike path and a red-tailed hawk was ahead, perched on a low fence-post, 6 feet from the path. Of course he would take off as I approached. But he didn’t. He just swiveled his head as I passed, and we looked at each other eyeball to eyeball. Unbelievable! In the countryside, farm dogs guard the homestead. They always come out barking. I slow down, sometimes stop, and talk to them. Once in a while they’ll stop barking and lope along with me, escorting me to the end of their territory. That’s cool.
I want to talk about safety measures. I don’t ride fast, but I put in about 4000 miles this year at age 55, my first year of major mileage since I was in my 30s. I ride an MTB mostly. One time just before sunset, I saw a bike headlight approaching about 200 yards ahead. The cyclist was otherwise invisible, being shielded by trees. Hmm…
Cyclists are always bitching about drivers not giving them room or right of way. I decided to try using lights in the day, set on strobe. High-powered ones, bar, helmet and tail. Big difference seen, by cars moving over way sooner to pass, and giving me right of way at intersections. I would have done this earlier, except for the dumb cycling culture which didn’t clue me into this until one smart guy gave me a revelation.
Since I got lights, I started night riding. Nice, because there’s less traffic and winds die down. I reinstalled the spokes reflectors and rear reflector, got ankle and left-wrist reflector bands ( the last for left-turn-signalling). Even put on a MonkeyElectric spokes light-show generator, because if people think, “What the heck is that up ahead?” you’ve got their attention, which is key to avoiding car-bike incidents. In essence I use lights and reflectors to proactively communicate with drivers, and negative incidents have plummeted 90%. There’s a reason why all new motorcycles have full-time lights and highway maintenance crews use daytime flashers. It’s called getting drivers’ attention. Cyclists who don’t think in terms of communicating with drivers, but just think, “I’ve got a right to use the road, so if somebody hits me, I’ll sue them,” aren’t very bright.
I got a helmet mirror years ago. It’s really good for sizing up the situation behind you while keeping vision of what’s in front of you. If you eschew the information a mirror provides, because you don’t think it looks cool, get a lens-mount one. If you don’t think you need the information because except for making left turns, you don’t care what’s going on behind you, that’s stupid. And stupidity isn’t really all that cool.
December 14th, 2008 at 9:57 am
lol, great pictures, and all so true. I was guilty of at least a few of these when I started the transition from guy-who-likes-to-ride-his-”who-cares”-80s-steel-road bike-sometimes-in-normal-street-clothes to legitimate-modern-roadbike-owning-enthusiast/beginning-racer.
I can’t believe how many uptight responses this got — i don’t know whether to be frustrated or more amused
December 14th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Great article and so true.. hahaha. We have a great stretch of bay road in my city and on a week end it’s dominated by psuedo-pros and fat guys, in full team kits on expensive bikes. I love bikes, always have.. but the culture, and many of the people, leave me cold. Cycling culture is such a wank.
I shave my legs because it’s traditional to do so, no other excuse.
I wear vintage team gear, because they’re the guys I grew up admiring.
I ride an old steel, Columbus frame because that’s the bike I wanted as a kid.
You guys can keep your 08 pro kits and carbon fibre. You guys take yourselves far too seriously for a bunch of week end warriors.
December 14th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Coppi clocked one of the quickest Tour de France times on a mailman’s bicycle…with reflectors.
December 15th, 2008 at 9:08 am
hahaha! Loving the all the responses. It’s proof positive that for as many ‘douchebag’ (Jeff’s words, not mine) roadies there are, there are equally as many people who get it! Being a die hard mountain biker, that’s where my riding passion still lies, because mountain bikers are far less judgmental and light years cooler than roadies.
Just because I wrote this article doesn’t mean I judge people when I see them riding. I’m simply making observations. Regardless of how ridiculous someone looks, the most important thing is that they’re out riding, staying healthy and having fun. The goal of this article is to communicate to those people who are *serious about being a bike racer*, that there are certain things you need to avoid to be taken seriously. I’ve learned my lesson about judging people – it came when a dude wearing blue jean lycra shorts, an Incredible Hulk jersey and an old Trek with three front chainrings embarrassed me in a race. Sure, I scoffed at him at the start line, but by the finish, I shook the dude’s hand. Never again did I judge someone based on appearance.
HOWEVER, there are still lots of racers out there who are super judgmental, and if you’re *aspiring to be a bike racer*, you’d be well served to follow these tips. If you’re a recreational cyclist and have no racing aspirations, this article is not aimed towards you, but really, the rearview mirror thing is a joke. (Like you’re really gonna dodge a 5,000 pound steel monstrosity coming from behind you at 40 mph simply by looking into a 1″x1″ piece of glass attached to your helmet? Gimme a break.)
And for you aspiring roadies to take issue with my *suggestions*, like someone else mentioned, you’re probably the guy or gal who everyone talks about while you’re not around!
Genshammer
December 15th, 2008 at 9:23 am
By the way, Jeff (assuming that’s your real name)….Anytime. Anyday. Anywhere, buddy. Bring it. Sounds like I’ve really struck a nerve with you, and I’m more than willing to help you get out those pent up frustrations.
Look up the word ‘domination’ in the dictionary. And when you’re done looking that up, then look up ‘demoralize’. Get familiar with those words, because you’ll be on the receiving end!
The douchebag, prick author
December 15th, 2008 at 10:37 am
PezCyclingNews did this same article months ago and their snapshot of roadie culture was better.
Day late and a dollar short.
December 15th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
I can’t get too worked up about attire. When my dad gave me a campy record gruppo italian bike in 1962, there was no road attire available for 10 year olds. (I couldn’t actually straddle the bike, I had to do moving foot-in-the clip mounts and dismounts for about a year, but fortunately I was growing fast.) Actually, there were only a few people even importing racing bikes, and nobody in America made them for another decade. I just rode a lot until I outgrew it totally by age 15 in tee shirts and shorts in summer, and jeans and a sweater or light casual jacket in winter.
I did my first century, alone and unsagged, during Easter Week in 1970. It was a ride of necessity. I lived in Salinas, my girlfriend in San Jose. As I had totaled my mom’s car making a sneak visit the previous fall, I had no driving priveleges. Returning west of Gilroy, I was going uphill 85, and the road suddenly curved. Which would have been okay, but it also simultaneously leveled. The car became unweighted and had no traction. I did a pretty good job keeping it on the road, given that it was fishtailing and with no seatbelt I was sliding back and forth from the door to the middle-passenger part of the bench seat, but after about a hundred feet, it 180′d and flipped, leaving wheels up in the center of the road. Fortunately only the driver’s side collapsed and by then I was on the passenger side. So I unrolled it and walked to a house. Called my mom. The owner insisted I go to the hospital for a checkup, and got a neighbor to accompany us. By the time we got to the accident scene, there were about 10 cars parked, with people searching through poison-oak-covered ground looking for the body. An ambulance and CHP officer were parking, so the homeowner, then me, explained the situation. The ambulance guys and officer insisted on taking custody. The doctor found glass in my hair. The officer told me that several people died on that stretch of road, and I was lucky to be alive.
Anyway, I wanted to see my girlfriend, so I borrowed a friend’s brother’s Schwinn Continental (I had sold my bike two years earlier), and taking off at 530 AM, rode up 101, then cut over to Almaden north of Morgan Hill. Called my girlfriend from a shopping center. She couldn’t see me. We talked for an hour. I decided that riding back the same way wouldn’t be as fun as crossing the Santa Cruz Mountains on 17, so I did that–the downhill part was a blast–then rode 1 to Watsonville and Castroville, then to Salinas.
I didn’t see any roadies that day. I didn’t see anybody doing either of those routes on a bike for many years.
So-called aerodynamic attire is pathetic, given that recumbency is the real way to achieve speed, but UCI outlaws it. Why? ‘bents are TOO FAST! What kind of dipsh*t-attitude is that? What if the pioneers of mountain-biking set permanent competition standards that outlawed suspensions and more than 5 speeds? It would be like if track and field required vaulters to use bamboo-cane poles, so the world record is still 16 feet, and if and tracks had to be made of cinder gravel on dirt, so the 100 WR was 10.1. Or skis for races had to be made of fine traditional European ash, boots 6 inches high made of leather and tied with laces, and bindings guaranteed to break at least one leg a year. What if the ASP required surfers to use kola or redwood boards, 10 foot, 80 pound minimum? Or whitewater kayaking competition required the use of 16 foot long Eskimo ocean kayaks?
Why is MTB way more innovative than road cycling? A. It was invented in America, the innovation capital of the world, B. its inventors did things that nobody else was doing, C. MTBers, not suits, create new kinds of competitions when people who have tried new things with their friends that nobody else has done before, decide, “Let’s have a contest.” America could develop its own road-racing standards, but instead they suck up to the Eurotrash. That’s why they’re weenies. If they said, “Screw you, we can do what we want,” and developed bent racing, it would be way more exciting to ride and see guys doing 40 mph sprints on the flats and 80 downhill, leaving the Euros holding the claim that they are the fastest guys in the world on slow bikes.
Here’s a nice photo of one of MTB’s pioneers, showing “proper” attire.
http://sanfrancisco.about.com/od/klunkerzbillysavage/ss/klunkerzphotos_5.htm
For paying homage to the giants of mountain biking
December 15th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Kurt, good article. Funny, semi-tongue-in-cheek. I remember my grandparents would watch “All In The Family”. While most of America found Archie Bunker’s racist and bigoted comments to be ridiculous comic relief, my grandparents thought he was not at all funny, and wondered why the laugh track cued up every time he spoke. The people that don’t find this article even a little funny clearly find the content a little too close to home.
December 16th, 2008 at 12:07 am
Why roadies are such uptight assholes??? The faster you are the more uptight asshole you are. Every time I leave my house my wife tells me that I look so stupid… It’s the un-coolest look of all sports, and I follow the roadies “dress codes”. There’s nothing cool about being a roadie. You just go fast… big f…g deal. Congratulations!!! I still love the sport and that’s why I ride. I agree with Mark 555. Mountain bikers are way cooler. Looks, personalities and even better bike handlers. And the best ones always try to help the newbies. NO COMPETITION. ON the trails the faster ones always wait for the slower ones. If you see another mt bikers… you always say hi. Now that’s etiquette!!!
I like this article for what it is… just fun.
My apologies to the nice roadies, there’s a lot out there too. Some even in this page.
When I pass you on the road I say hello, so I would expect you to do the same when you pass me. Is that simple!!!
Now lets just have fun.
December 16th, 2008 at 7:32 am
Every sport has their kooks. No one reading this can honestly say they want to be one. My background is surfing and I can tell who does or doesn’t before they even hit the water. Appears to be the same with Cycling. I plan to buy a bike this year and begin riding, so I’ve been doing a bit of research online. This article has been the most helpfu thing I have read so far. I kind of figured that hitting the road dressed like Lance Armstrong would be a dead giveaway, but I would have probably violated every other rule had it not been for this article. It’s not about ego. Some of us just want to keep a low profile and stay out of everyone elses way until we get serious.
December 16th, 2008 at 8:45 am
This is stupid. There is just one sure sign that reveals rookies, or better yet, wannabies:
- Racing fellow cyclist other than in an actual race.
To quote Tim Krabbé in “The Rider”, about a rider with no chance of winning the race but who early left the peloton just to show off: “Anyone in the peloton could have done it”.
Fact is that cycling is something everyone have an experience of so it abounds with wannabies. This kind of a wannabe will allways want to be *better*. Either by trying to outperform other cyclists, displaying his fancy gear, displaying his great knowledge with grim seriousity or – as a last resort – sulky comments about other cyclists safety measures.
However let me add two more signs:
- A clearly poorly fitted bike resulting in a clearly unnatural posture
- Wearing lycra when not racing. Cm’on, compared to regular fit pants and jackets, the gains in aerodynamics are for shaving off seconds in a race and clearly not for making training more efficient…
December 16th, 2008 at 8:54 am
Correction:
- Racing fellow *cyclists* other than in an actual race
December 16th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
When I first read this article, I laughed because I thought that it was all a joke. Then I saw that the auther was on here defending this article and claiming that people really should follow these points of advice.
That’s sad. Very sad.
There’s only one way to be taken seriously. Ride hard… be courteous to other riders… ride hard… train smart… ride hard.
If you’re so insecure that you really do have to follow these silly pointers, then you prolly have some issues that cycling clothes won’t fix.
December 16th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
This article is so ture. If you follow these tips to the best of your abilities, then you’ll be “in the click” for sure. If you don’t follow these tips then you shouldn’t be riding a bike in the first place. Anyone with hairy legs or reflectors on their bike is a power tool. If you don’t ride carbon then you’re lame. Who needs a helmet? my slicked back hair looks way better than any helmet. I only wear a helmet in races because I have to. Basically, if your bike cost less than mine, you’re not worthy. A note to all of you mountain bikers out there, you’re not real cyclist, you’re just a bunch of hooligans that couldn’t ride a bike to save your life. The road is where it’s at. They should just ban all use of trails to bikes period.
December 17th, 2008 at 1:40 am
I have a blue bike with blue tires, seat and handlebar tape. It is very fast and I usually get compliments on the bike because of the beautiful paint job. It is aluminum and carbon. I wear a blue and white helmet to match and sometimes a blue jersey, black shorts with this bike. I also have a carbon fiber bike as well. I think the carbon fiber is faster but the aluminum bike has a lively road feel to it. I enjoyed the comments here and have actually trimmed my leg hair because I could feel it in the wind. I could not bring myself to shave the legs though. The legs are not that nice, and I am afraid women would not understand. I love cycling as I am sure you all do. It is sad when such discussions become debate because of the foul weather of winter making everyone stir crazy to get out and ride. I am preparing for spring when I can get out and ride on the road again. For now, I cyclocross. BTW you take that plastic ring off so the cassette does not fill with mud.
December 17th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
I guess smoking a joint is out of the question. Must admit this is some good satire on purist roadies, if it is satire. If not, it’s part of why I quit USCF. I got tired of driving 200-600 miles round trip just for the spend the day with riders whose attitude was symtematic of having a roll of quarters up their butt and only a seatpost to sit on.
December 17th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
This is my own take from those 10 tips. First I’am a 32 yrs old French Cat 1 racer (so bare in mind English is my second language)
1- Buy something you like and try clearance items. Cycling clothes are over price but will increase your enjoyment.
2- Buy a helmet that you will wear and will always wear
3- Clothing that fit that obvious I think (it’s more comfortable)
4- Shave your legs UHHHH don’t do it if you just start cycling you will look even more like a wanna bee. Wait to be a good rider. And guys you will be surprise how ladies like that and it always open a conversation (It’s actually a pretty good social thing outside the cycling world)
5- Maintain your bike wash it and learn how to adjust it you will enjoy riding even more. Mark will happen less and less true time
6- A good thing to learn in cycling less is more
7- Plastic deflectors are useless and will affect your wheels true time. Buy a 5 $ LEED light that you carries in you jersey back pocket ant use it when it dark.
8- Obvious and very good a park is a good place to start for people not comfortable with clips. SPD are for mountain bike or for touring not for the road.
9- Camel back is uncomfortable and you will sweet more difficult to wash and more mold prone, get use drinking when you ride and always drink when you are at the back of the pack very very important to avoid people falling and or rolling over yours bottles. Another thing buys bottle older that old your bottles people don’t want to feel over your bottles lining on the road.
10- All good very important to learn how to ride in group
11- Equipments is not going to make you better if you start buy a medium quality bike (shimano 105) and work you way up as you involve this is like a girlfriend you are not going to marry the first one you go out with. And if you did it’s much cheaper to change bike then to divorce to check if theirs id better elsewhere.
12- Don’t buy high profile carbon rim if you don’t race people like me will just push harder to leave you behind same can be said for very exotics frames.
13- Be a good person friendly and open to positive critics (positions on the bike, pedals cadences, position in the pack etc…) from people that you obviously know that are better then you.
14- Learn to take advantage from the drift watch good rider we are lazy people
15- Better say you are a newcomer then try to be like you rode 20 000 km last year people will accept you way better and will have a better opinion off you.
Enjoy every ride like it ways your last !
December 17th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
>>This is my own take from those 10 tips. First I’am a 32 yrs old French Cat 1 racer (so bare in mind English is my second language)
Excellent insight ET!! Wonderful tips.
December 17th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Holy cow, you guys are elitist! Speaking as an industry guy and avid cyclist, this is crap. Who cares what people look like? Just ride, and if you are feeling bad about “rookie ring”, come hang out with me. I think it looks cool. Don’t make fun of other people who ride. They’re your friends.
December 17th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
I’m the Jeff who said this article wreaked of douchebaggery (different Jeff called you a prick) and I still think this article is crap. What you’ve done is irresponsible. If some newby thinks about buying a bike to just get in shape and, god forbid, reads this article he/she is going to have second thoughts about it because people like you are going to judge him. You make it sound like all cyclists are a bunch of seventh grade girls gossiping about how much cooler you are then them. The point of cycling is to go outdoors, enjoy yourself and get in a good workout. It’s because of people like you that I mostly ride with tri guys. That being said, you are still a douche.
December 17th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Jeff, what’s with all of the name calling, you sound like a seventh grade girl…douchebag!
December 17th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
There’s nothing more cool looking than matching team jersey and the bike. It’s a joy to look at and usually aerodynamic. I wear them because I can’t find any thing better. Only thing I would ask for more would be it should be reflective at night.
December 18th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
I still think the coolest thing I’ve ever seen was riding in the front group of century ride and seeing this dude with major “bed-head” roll past us (we were holding 27mph) on this old beater steel frame 10 speed with toe clips and wearing Levis, give us a slow hand wave and ride out of sight. Granted he probably pulled off and hid in the trees while we road by, but he looked like he just woke up and thought, “Hey, I think I’ll go for a bike ride today,” borrowed his buddy’s bike and proceeded to smoke a group of Cat 2 riders like he was on a recumbent or something. Awesomely cool.
December 18th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
I must say that the original post of the “10 Tips” was quite in good fun (except that jab at triathletes). After reading most of these responses, I have but a few comments to add: PEOPLE RELAX! Don’t be so serious and easily offended, toughen up Sally!! Yes, there is a great deal of real-world truth to the “Tips” list, but even the Pro’s were once guilty of some newbie errors. And, as for “Industry” riders??? Pick a side: either you ride a bike, or you sell a bike. Which is it? Trust me, I was at InterBike in September. “Industry” people don’t have anything on real riders or racers.
The truth of the matter is this (how I see it): Those who have more commitment to the sport than wearing a trendy team jersey during a weekend fundraiser ride, can easily spot the newbies in a crowd. However, being a newbie is not a bad thing at all (we all started there at one time). Those who can spot the newbie, will usually offer some advice or tips, in hopes of furthering the sport and its base. I too am guilty of laughing at some violators of the “Tips” list, but I give the violator credit for coming out to ride in the first place. No one bought and drove a Ferrari at age 16 for a first vehicle. Instead, you learned on a beater car, until you proved yourself able, knowledegable, and capable. I do recall turning 16, and buying some leather driving gloves to go with my 79 Trans-Am. Point being, I don’t have the car or the gloves now, live and learn. Rather, I drive a reasonable Volvo, but spare no expense on my race bikes now that I’m older, wiser, and financially able.
RULE OF THUMB FOR NEWBIES:
Don’t pretend to be dedicated. True dedication is honorable, apparent, and NOT printed on a jersey. FYI: How to spot true dedication:
1. shaved legs
2. horrible tan lines
3. sunburned nose and neck
4. low sperm count or production (due to saddle time)
5. ability to tell “war stories” and show a few “road scars”
Beyond the “Tips” list, and it’s amended additions…
Real triathletes can, do, and believe:
1. ride in a pace-line
2. can navigate turns in the road with falling over
3. DO NOT use a Bento Box (even for IM’s)
4. carry maximum of 2 bottles (even for IM’s)
5. sometimes wear sleeved jerseys (still, very rarely though)
6. will always want to ride with the leader of the pace-line (no DRAFTING in triathlons) (IF YOU’RE NOT IN FRONT, THEN YOU’RE CHEATING!!!!)
December 18th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Great article, I think a lot of people are missing the point and getting a little whiny though. In any type of committed group (serious roadies or any sport/hobby/industry) there are certain social protocols. Understanding and compliance shows that you have been committed to the group long enough to figure these things out and deserve respect within the group. Despite all these people saying how great it is when a hairy legged weekend warrior blows a pack of experienced racers away that never actually happens in real life.
December 18th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
lungs and legs, not lady bics and lycra
December 19th, 2008 at 9:17 am
Ouch, what a load of bull. And die hard roadies wonder why people think they’re snobby assholes.
Hey I road ride with a Camelbak because I’m a heavy sweater and the big water bag actually holds enough to replenish me. The fact that you can use bottles on the road really is deceptive as you are surrounded by far more dangerous things. I’d rather have my hands on the bars.
I don’t care what a die hard roadie thinks of me.
December 19th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Ha Ha. This article and all the commentary is great. Its like a cross section of a real peleton. It shows that people can and can’t take a joke. I’ve ridden with a bunch of nice folks and with a few jerks. The worst is a newbie jerk.
Steel roadie rider and tri-bike Bento Box (small) user.
December 19th, 2008 at 10:12 am
sorry *peloton*
whatever – you know what i mean.
December 19th, 2008 at 10:44 am
>>Ha Ha. This article and all the commentary is great. Its like a cross section of a real peleton. It shows that people can and can’t take a joke. I’ve ridden with a bunch of nice folks and with a few jerks. The worst is a newbie jerk –old-schooled–
Awesome comment man!! We need another list:
10 tips to avoid being a newbie jerk – aka poseur.
December 19th, 2008 at 11:41 am
I think Strealy – who commented about being a cycling newb but a veteran surfer with the ability to spot a kook from a mile away – hit the nail on the head with the intent of this article. I can especially relate because of the role reversal – I’m in the newb stages of surfing. If there was an article on the interweb about ‘how to not look like a kook when surfing’ I’d heed each and every tip.
There are people out there who want to ride with more experienced riders and not draw attention to themselves. I want to surf with the best surfers and not draw attention to myself that I’m a greenhorn. That is exactly the goal of this article, to help people keep a low profile while earning their stripes with the big boys.
Strealy, if you live in San Diego, hit me up, we can help each other out.
Kurt G.
December 19th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Great article!
Here’s another:
11. Lose the overgrown beard and ponytail (you can keep the pony if you’re female).
December 19th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Hey Gensheimer, I like Strealy have been surfing for 26 years, but I got into cycling about 3 years ago. I bought a trek 7000 in ‘86 and still have it, but didn’t ride more then once in a while over the years until my cousin came in from Spokane with his Cervelo R2.5 (remember this was in 2005), which he had completely taken apart for traveling. At his car he handed me the frameset so I could check it out, I could not believe how light it was. At that moment I realized I needed to be on a bike, I had recently stopped playing basketball because I was to aggressive and always getting hurt.
The next day my trek 7000 was loaded in the car and I was riding at lunch around Burbank, CA. A few weeks later someone came in to work with a Specialized Allez, that night I spoke to my wife about my plans to get a road bike and three weeks later I was on a Specialized roubaix. I continued lunch time rides ever since,
Jumping ahead about 2 years I was struck by a car and totaled my Specialized, but the good news is I purchased a Scott CR1 last year and am loving it.
I dont surf that much anymore, partly because having a 3 year old makes it difficult to get any more then a morning sesh in, but I can do a 1 or 2 hour ride often. The expression stoke is something I learned surfing, and the reality is being stoked is the feeling you get on a great day of surfing, when conditions are great and your surfing well and nothing else matters, your elated (especially after a great wave when your yelping paddling back out). The same feeling of stoke is obtainable cycling, I never knew it existed in the sport but often on a ride I get a feeling of nothing else mattering, a pure joy when everything seems to be working perfectly, Stoked. Glad I found the sport, and what I learned in the 3 years I have been doing it is pretty much broken down in Gensheimers article, and anyone taking offense needs to lighten up, get out and enjoy the ride. Stay Loose….
December 20th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Anyone else chipped their aerodynamic nail polish on the Campagnolo UltraShift Ergopowers Super Record 11 Speeds?
December 20th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Unbelievable cyclo-snobbery. I suppose the peer pressure of \fitting in\ is quite strong for people under 50. Thankfully, I’m 53 and I can ride very serenely in sweats and street shoes pushing the same pedals that came with my Stingray back in the day. So give it time, leg shavers and lycra donners, you’ll eventually be free from the \need\ to fit in and will once again ride a bike for the same reasons you rode that cool Stingray back in the day.
December 20th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Unbelievable cyclo-snobbery. I suppose the peer pressure of “fitting in” is quite strong for people under 50. Thankfully, I’m 53 and I can ride very serenely in sweats and street shoes pushing the very same double-sided pedals that came with my Stingray back in the day. So give it time, leg shavers and lycra donners, you’ll eventually be free from the “need” to fit in and will once again ride a bike for the same reasons you rode that cool Stingray back in the day.
December 20th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Kurt,
I wasn’t going to comment until you mentioned the surfing. There’s nothing you can do about it, and I think that’s true in either sport. If you’re new, they’ll notice. I’ve been surfing my entire life, and I was a pro – not a wannabe – for three years. The best guys (to a man) don’t sweat newbies. The guys who’ll never make it are the ones worrying about kooks. Worrying about what other people think is a precondition for mediocrity. So don’t do it.
BTW – I’m too big now (what, with the day job and all) to feel comfortable in super-tight jerseys, so I don’t wear them. I have no doubts most people here would drop me within a couple miles downhill, uphill, or flat, and they’d probably think I’m a kook while they’re doing it. I really don’t care, and besides, I’m getting faster every day. I’m not too big to surf though, and I’m still pretty good at it. I really don’t care about that either. I just like doing what I do.
@CR1 – Stay stoked, and I know exactly what you mean. I just gotta be moving; on the road or in the water – stoked either way. Just wish I’d gotten a bike sooner…
December 20th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Man, I hope this is all in jest, because it makes the author sound like just the kind of cyclofag I laugh at biking around town. Nothing screams ‘I bought all this shit to look flash’ like being clad head to toe in brightly colored Lycra as you bike the two miles to the coffee shop. And then hang out for two hours, bike home, and consider that a day of cycling.
I practically live on my bike.
I often wear a shammy under my pants, but on top I wear street clothes, so when I get to the coffeeshop I don’t look like I’m from space.
I have a Camelbak, because it’s convenient as fuck and my bike penis isn’t going to fall off if I don’t have a Sigg in my bottlecage.
I have more shiny shit on my bike than a jewelry store, because I’m allergic to death.
If you don’t race regularly, dressing like you’re in the Tour makes you look like a tool with too much money and very little sense. Best way not to look like a nubcake is not to be one, and the best way to stop being a nubcake is not to worry about whether you look like one, and focus on getting better. Simple as that.
December 20th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
if hardcore roadies think i’m lame, i’m happy. i’m a mountain biker that likes to put about a hundred miles a week on my road bike. i love riding the road because it’s so serene compared to trail riding. i live 9500 feet above sea level and my road rides usually involve 2000-foot+ vertical climbs, so i dont consider myself a weekend rider. i never do group rides because roadies are elitist, alpha-male, egotistical jocks(for the most part).
i’ve worked with several rodies, and while i do consider them my friends, they can be unbearably snobby and arrogant. that being said, i find it unlikely that the article was written in jest. i will continue to crush mountain passes in cut-off shorts and tee-shirts, all while snickering at the rolling midlife crises who belive they have purchased the joy of cycling for several thousand dollars.
December 21st, 2008 at 9:39 am
This proves to me that rodies are the most elitist snothole group of any sport I participate in. I have ridden a road bike of some form or another for 30 plus years, it was not always the coolest or newest one and the looks I have gotten over the years are amazing. I also ride mountain bikes, motocross, jet ski (stand up), snow ski, surf and other crap. You have your skier vs snowboarder, motocresser vs desert racer, jet skier vs boater and in no other sport are the elitist snotholes worse than with rodies. I make it a point to wear my mountainbike helmet, not very hairy legs and functional Performance cycle gear on the road as I pass 90% of other riders. I also make a point of lifting a couple of fingers (not the middle one) as I go by to see the snothole reactions. I do this for fun and excersize, If I entered a 50+ intermediate race I’m thinking I would be in the top third or better. I have hooked up with packs and had them look at me funny and even say things but as I either leed them or leave them in my dust they seem to shut up. I have had guys half my age drop off withcramps or whatever and give me all kinds of excuses why they could not keep up but they sure looked good. If a faster cyclist passes me I will catch up and draft for a bit and then take over the leed when I can. I may not last as long in the front as the faster guys but I try to do my part. Every sport has their uniform of coolness and you will always have a squid, goon rider, “tool” in there, so what.
December 21st, 2008 at 9:57 am
On the sidebar of this blog is a list of most-commented recent pieces.
The tribute to the lateSheldon Brown is worth noting. Brown was the maestro of mechanics, who could fix or customize anything. He wasn’t just a wrench, he was a designer-craftsman who built his own bikes from his imagination, after learning to braze frames when he was a teenager. He rode every kind of bike imaginable, on all terrain from highways to snow and ice-covered trails (on studded tires no less).
His how-to website is known worldwide. There wasn’t a club in the country that wasn’t jazzed to have the honor of taking a ride with him if he was in the area, or gathering for a talk to pick his brain on equipment.
Here’s a picture of him. Notice the jersey, it’s his own bike shop’s, which had a racing team.
http://reviews.roadbikereview.com/blog/sheldon-brown-a-great-legend-in-the-cycling-world-1944-2008/#comments
Notice that black thingy on the left side of Sheldon’s helmet.
So, it’s okay to wear a mirror. If somebody hassles you about wearing one, tell them you’re doing it as a memorial to Sheldon Brown.
December 21st, 2008 at 10:59 am
Kurt,
I don’t know how far you’ve progressed in surfing, but for anyone in San Diego just starting out, here are some tips that may help.
Try to find one, two or three other people who also want to learn to surf. It’s more fun to go out with friends.
I would contact La Jolla Surf Shop about lessons. Also the Menehune school at La Jolla Shores apparently has adult instruction. Surfing is like skiing. Getting instruction from people who are more than experienced surfers, who love to TEACH, will greatly accelerate your learning curve.
The Shores is the best place to learn how to surf in SD. There is a progession of wave size, smaller at the Beach and Tennis Club and Kellogg Park, larger at Scripps Pier.
Kellogg has a year-round lifeguard station, and everybody in the water is in the first or second stage of learning to surf. It’s okay to shoulder-hop and cut people off there, everybody does it.
A soft-top longboard is the best starter board. It has great floatation and stability, perfect for catching 1-2 foot mushy waves that short boards stall out on. The more waves you can ride, the faster you learn.
Winter is a great time to start. The school-age crowd is gone. Offshore wind or no wind creates nice wave shape. You’ll need a full wetsuit, maybe a 4/3 mm, although this year a 3/2 may be sufficient. Eventually, you’ll want to have two thicknesses of full wetsuit (55-60, 60-66 degree water), a shorty springsuit (65-68), and a vest (67+). You may want gloves and booties for La Nina winters. The main thing is, staying warm keeps you looser and enables you to stay out longer.
You won’t be able to go out on big wave days your first winter, but you should be able to progress to shoulder-high within a month or two, and also get a shorter glass board (you may eventually have three of different lengths and styles for various conditions).
Your learning curve will be optimized if you spend at least 4 days a week and 8 hours on the water. If you can’t make this commitment, you won’t get very far.
Then, when next summer comes and the lineup gets crowded, you’ll be able to recognize the best takeoff points, and paddle efficiently among the throngs to get to them first. You’ll know how to use the rip to get to the breaker line, instead of looking silly and wearing yourself out trying to paddle through the break.
For summer surfing, it’s usually best to hit the water around 6 AM. The waves have better shape before the daily onshore winds kick up and the waves start to blow out, usually about the time the sun pops out (10 to noon). By arriving early, you can establish a position that later arrivers have to respect.
Go to the same place every day, and you’ll get to know and be known as a regular. For example, at this point, you’ll probably be surfing in front of Scripps near the pier. Here the surfers are intermediate ability. You’ll start to be exposed to the etiquette of giving the wave to the surfer who catches it first, nearest the peak, and when somebody tries to shoulder hop, you’ll shout with confidence, “My wave Needledick! Get off!”
By mid-summer, you should be ready to try Black’s and some reef and point breaks. These generate peaks, sometimes head-high and bigger in summer, and much longer rides. SD waves are generally slow-breaking and soft, except when big, but Black’s waves are snappy, even when small, a bit like Hawaiian, because the Scripps Canyon enables them to come in fast in deep water.
Once you’ve gotten a taste for these waves, you can say goodbye to the Shores.
It’s usually best to find a few spots to surf most of the time, so you can get to know the regulars, e.g. La Jolla or North County “crews”, and they’ll share waves with you. Here it’s really important to go out next winter, to establish your seriousness and engender respect, not to mention getting some of the best rides of the year. You’ll definitely be stoked.
December 21st, 2008 at 1:17 pm
There are many ’schools’ you can follow when you get into cycling. This list is a roadie’s list for the approval of other roadies who buy into creedo and tradition.
But it’s not necessarily a creedo for all. This seems to be guidelines for those who want to look/appear like they are serious about cycling.
I can tell you that I get passed up by fast beared old men in their faded lycra jerseys and old spandex covered Giro helmets (ala TdF 1991 Lemond dayglo yellow) with hairy legs. They blow pass everyone on the street and are super fast. They seem just as serious to me even tho they don’t follow any of these rules. Matter of fact, I don’t any bystanders or other cyclist would consider them rookies.
Frankly, my point is that not everyone drinks the roadie juice and they should not be judge as rookies or not serious because they do their own thing.
December 21st, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Sigh – pretty standard fair but in truth one of the reasons I avoid clubs and organised events, that and the fact I have panelled a couple of said cycling zealots for being – well – cycling zealots I suppose, very ignorant and worrying people. Basically – I’ll do it my way , its what I enjoy and who are you to comment, I won’t comment on you please grant me the same courtesy
December 22nd, 2008 at 11:44 am
dood, itsajoke.
December 22nd, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Poster would never last in Europe— where all sorts wear pro kits, helmets are optional, and cyclists are generally practical (like lights and fenders on a nice Italian steed). It rains all the time, resulting in messy drive trains, even under the best of circumstances. I could go on and on, but why bother.
December 23rd, 2008 at 9:10 am
I enjoyed this article because it points out a lot of the superficial silliness you find amongst some roadies, but the author is right in pointing out that these “rules” exist in group riding so it’s good to be aware of them if someone is looking to fit in. I hope most roadies out there are confident in themselves to do and ride as they feel comfortable rather than just mimicking behavior in order to not stand out. In the end what speaks for you on the road is your ability to ride, not whether your legs are shaved or if you’re on a Cervelo wearing the latest CSC kit.
Group riding etiquette is important to know because it can mean the difference between a safe and enjoyable ride and one that will find you getting yelled at or even worse, causing an accident. There’s one thing that I always keep in mind when I ride which is that it’s better to ride like a pro than just look like one so the focus should be improving performance, not worrying about attire as if it’s a Milan fashion show. Those who are interested in road cycling shouldn’t be put off by any of this nonsense, so get on whatever road bike you can and have fun because you’ll be healthier for it.
December 23rd, 2008 at 11:11 am
Thanks for the tips Mark555! I do have a few 30-year vets I’ve been surfing with, and we’ve hit Black’s more than a handful of times, which is by far my favorite spot. Too bad the walk is so long and steep…but I guess that’s good to keep kooks like me out!
Kurt G.
December 23rd, 2008 at 12:44 pm
So does this mean I can’t wear my Toyota United 2006 jersey? Is it considered vintage yet since the team disbanded? Or must I still wait the obligatory 8 more years? I actually got the lined long sleeved jersey when I moved back to NorCal from TX because it’s much colder in SF than in Dallas! That and because I got it for so cheap from the TU booth at the prologue at the TOC in 2007.
December 24th, 2008 at 6:11 am
Jeff, you have it 100% right! “The ultimate cool is to outperform everyone else while not looking the part. I say, go ride, get fast and show up those elitist snobs on the road” I ride a $400.00 Motobecane with sora components, this seemed to be no match for my three disapproving friends on the KC Tour de Cure. One rode a Cannondale and two were on Oreba’s, all had their craft and assos gear on but well, got smoked by a hairy legged 250# Clydesdale on a $400 bike. Its all about the motor, and has nothing to do with hair, jerseys or overpriced bikes.
December 24th, 2008 at 9:17 am
The sleeveless jersey is not all that bad, it is the hair on the shoulders that takes this to the \wrong\.
December 24th, 2008 at 10:05 am
>>“The ultimate cool is to outperform everyone else while not looking the part. I say, go ride, get fast and show up those elitist snobs on the road” I ride a $400.00 Motobecane with sora components….
You have to be careful with this as well. There is nothing cool about a raggedy rider looking to race everyone on the road. There seem to be a lot out there with something to prove all the time and try to race strangers at every opportunity.
You want to race, enter a race or join a fast group ride. Otherwise, be friendly and try to chat and meet other people on the road.
fc
December 25th, 2008 at 6:35 am
Sorry, but I’m sure that my helmet mirror has saved my life more often than my helmet ever has. If you’re that adamant about helmets for protection, then you shouldn’t be so set against mirrors which are also a good safety device.
December 25th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
At first I thought this article was intended for April Fools Day. By the end of the article I realized that it is nothing more than a written version of talk radio meant to stimulate controversy and debate during the off-season.
When I was in my late 20s and 30s riding in competitive events, I wanted to fit in and be accepted, so I succumbed to such antics as the author. As I became older I got more interested in touring by bike. A LOT of those guys don’t shave their legs (I hated the time required to shave for competition anyway). Touring riders are every bit as serious about their activity, but a lot more into covering long distances, enjoying the ride and the landscape. A racer attitude is so involved in keeping up or getting ahead that the scenary is irrelavent.
As for the sleeveless remark – within the past 2 years I’ve seen photos of Hincapie wearing a sleeveless during team training. Here in the southeast the summers are hot and super humid – a sleeveless jersey is far cooler than a regular jersey. I just put on more sunscreen when I wear one.
The reader who commented about a race kit getting more respect from drivers I cannot disagree with, as I’ve noticed that myself. Personally I have few jerseys that give free advertising, but I do like looking sharp with a harmonizing kit – but that’s just my esthetic sense – not to impress anyone. Drivers don’t know the difference – if you look like you have it together the impression is that you are pro and not a goober.
I wear a full kit when I ride my carbon fiber race bike, but I wear whatever when I ride my utility bike (which happens to be an old Bianchi steel bike). Both rides are fun, in different ways.
As for mirrors, I hate the way 99% of them look. But I found one that blends in so well as to be almost invisible on the bike – yet gives a good view to the rear. Aspire Velotech sells it as the “Italian Road Mirror”. Only 2 guys on the weekly group ride have even noticed it and they were envious, not condescending. It looks sleek like something from Ferrari or Ducati, like a built-in part of the bike, not an ugly add-on.
The vast majority of cyclist enjoy the many facets of life and are not obsessive-compulsive about just one thing. Cycling is a part of their life – not the sole focus. Every sport and hobby has its obsessive types – but those are also the ones pushing the envelope for new levels of performance and technology, which everyone eventually benefits from.
The down side to looking “racer cool” is that attitude really does turn off a lot of newer cyclists. It’s an ego-based thinking – follow the lemmings approach that infiltrates most all endeavors of our society.
I see a lot of “Freds” who are commuters, but they have my complete respect because they are out there doing it every day, dealing with the weather, the traffic, the bad roads, not to mention all the details that go with commuting.
In the end, whether riding for fun or fitness, feeling satisfied and happy afterwards is what it’s all about!
December 26th, 2008 at 12:53 am
I agree that the reflectors make you look like a putz. I use tons of LED’s all over my commuter bike, placed on the pedals, frame, bar ends, seat mast, bars have a nice light. The back pack has a strobe from a yahting store visable for miles. Ask your LBS to look at the QBP for neat items to keep you safe. Reflectors are only good if they see you. Activly protecting yourself from drivers and other riders in bike dense communities like Boulder is crucial. Most riders will complain they cant see you. I was hit by another rider at night and the guy broke my helmet with his ocular.
Ride safe
AG
December 29th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Hey I got this jersey as a gift do you think it’s to big? It’s a size med it fits me well around the chest but it seems alittle baggy around my stomach… what do you think?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/25284609@N02/3147532097/
December 29th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
it’s way much more cooler if i dun follow the ten or so rules above and i can spin faster/longer than the rider following these rules.
yes i got hairy legs, see you at the finishing line..
December 29th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
I’m a pretty die hard sailor. I’m good. Really good. Raced in the Hobie nationals several years back and also 420’s and Lasers when I was in high school. Back then, my racing buddy and I were the odd one out because we weren’t wearing the $500 racing suits and didn’t have all the fancy gear. 9 months out of the year we would race in shorts and t-shirt. Sometimes wear shoes. The other three months we would wear cheap wet suits we picked up from a surf shop. Always drove the yacht club/trust fund kids nuts when we smoked them. Now that I’m older and still racing it’s pretty much the same, except the girls realize those guys are all pricks. All evens out in the end. Heading to Australia in the spring to race in the world championships. Sailing down and bringing my classic steel road bike with me. Not planning on wearing anything but a pair of shorts and a t-shirt the entire time and I’ll enjoy every minute of it because that’s what it’s all about.
December 30th, 2008 at 11:38 am
rule #11 : learn to appreciate satire for what it is and don’t get your panties/bibshorts in a bundle over bicycling articles. the best part of being a bike snob is getting to make fun of yourself.
December 31st, 2008 at 4:23 am
I might have to start shaving my legs then …
… and what about rule #12 – Don’t flick the V’s or shout obsenities at dis-courteous drivers who honk that you are in their way and cannot be arsed to waste three seconds of their PRECIOUS TIME and then overtake you on a blind bend and force you off the road into a hawthorn hedge. Oh joy !
January 1st, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Hahaaa.. great article. You guys are either wanna be pros or caveman legged, dweebs. The guys like me that wear the odd jersey with our street shorts are having a good laugh at both you.
January 1st, 2009 at 5:20 pm
Frankly, it comforts me that there are male bikers who avoid conversing with me because I don’t shave my legs. It’s a great way of avoiding the awkward moment when I have to explain that while I opposed Prop 6, I only date women. During my life, I’ve had hundreds of spills resulting in various degrees of road rash from riding bikes, motorcycles, and skateboards, yet never experience the so called ‘velcro effect’ from having hair on my legs. For that matter, I’m sure that having one’s testicles removed would reduce total weight; increase saddle comfort and safety; and avoid unsightly bulges in those skin tight Lycra outfits. Alas, what would be the point of all of this coolness, upmanship, and lemming-like conformity without testosterone?
January 1st, 2009 at 8:05 pm
1. Make sure you got the most expensive bike of any of your mates.
Euro brands net more points for your developing ego than domestic, so
forget about Cannondale, Trek, and Specialized (these brands mostly
originate in China or Taiwan anyway). A Cervelo, BMC, Lapierre,
Time, or Look will get you more Tang than the astronauts! Forget about
steel frames; what you want is something sweet of plastic, recycled beer
cans, or unobtanium. The plastic bikes make a cool swooshy swoop
sound as they glide along. Their dead, wooden feel reminds you with
every pedalstroke that YOU are the lifeblood of the deal, not the machine.
If you are the next Craig Daniels, go for the aluminum. Only the toughest
can take the pounding to the prostate that these exquisite machines deliver.
If you are an extrucker only an unobtainum steed can bring you that
exciting feel of the rear part of the machine jackknifing around the front
as you press the pace through a tight sweeper.
2. Forget about wool jerseys, even though one could save your life when
conditions change rapidly. You need something synthetic. Try the new
fabric-of-the-month model, then wash it five times in the smelliest scented
detergent your local Safeway has. This will ensure that no one will be able
to be anywhere near you when you decide to put’er in the big ring and
punch it. The woolen stuff offers protection from cold, light
rain, and the nastiest sun, but never become smelly enough to ward off people
wanting to challenge you even if you forget to wash them after five rides.
3. Never nod, smile, wave, or greet other cyclists on the road as you pass.
You are not out there trying to find some new “friend”, you are out there
to to train, get fit, and show everyone how great you look.
4. That plastic pieplate thingy that came with your bike is not a spoke protector, designed to keep the chain from bouncing into your expensive spokes, thusruining your ride. It is designed only to protect the first cog from the spokes, and so you don’t need it. Take it off of your girlfriend’s bike too, just to see the look on her face when she throws her chain into her spokes! Priceless.
Just remind her about all the weight she saved.
5. Only use lube that cost $8 or more for a little bottle. Oil that has 25% detergent allows you bike to shift properly.
6. You are a fool if you wear a brightly colored rainjacket. Drivers can see perfectly well when it is coming down cats and dogs, and an orange, yellow, or white slicker has been proven by science to be no more visable than a transparent
jacket. Even if they were, do you think they look nearly as smart? I don’t.
7. If you ride alone, everyone will soon think that you are antisocial and do not
care to look at their new bikes or clothing. If you really want to mark yourself
as a loser, ignore my sage advise. We club riders do not have ANY personal
or mental issues.
8. Those reflector things have never saved anyone’s life and those mirror things
haven’t either. Safely is not a paramount concern anyway; just make sure you
don’t look like a dork out there.
9. Those ratings by safety institutes inside your $30 helmet mean next to nothing.
You are not completely safe unless you have laid down at least $100.
10. Make certain that your razor has at least five blades. That is what the pros use and to use a razor with but four blades is to waste time that could be used for
training. Mine has got SIX. And my bike has ELEVEN gears on the back.
How many you got, chump?
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Wow, what a response, very entertaining to read along with the article. Must admit, am not a hardcore biker/racer, but did get out just to ride a lot this past year and for the first time finding myself in pelotons also this year, so #10 helps. Really found it a little intimidating not being sure what to do and everyone jogging about so, so just kept it rolling with them and try to stay in the middle or so. Have to laugh about the statement about not being the chump and cranking out of the group way faster and pull ahead. Must admit was the cheeser that did that in a race and shot the load about a quarter mile or less from the finish when around 5 others came back to pass me…oh well, a tool almost did it. Kind of funny, found myself in a group during the post race party and over a beer heard them talking about someone on a mtn bike in the pack, well that was me and I did admit it. They all loved it and a couple thanked me as it was like drafting a “Mack truck” me being so upright and them sitting behind me. Will go back to my off-road trails where my tires done growl so much. Do a ton of running so, to add to my Toolitude of roading in a mtn bike, I wear my running shirts with biking shorts, and will admit even sometimes that running shirt is a sleeveless Mizuno or Brooks shirt. Live in Wisconsin too so don’t shave the legs, hell the women don’t why should I? Jeezuz just kidding, nobody yell at me for that last statement. Actually, my wife is kind of hot and she shaves her legs. She used her mtn bike and wears her running stuff too, so we are good fitting tools.
Just ride, then run.
Have a great 09 all.
January 2nd, 2009 at 9:51 pm
To the author defense, this article is about ‘fitting in’ if YOU feel the need to ‘fit in’. I personally don’t agree with it particularly #1. So, you are saying that all these pro teams made their kits available for purchase for who? I mean..if you are a fan of a sport team, say, Manchester United, are you then not allowed to wear their team kit to go play football/soccer then? I bought season prior team kit to wear b/c it’s cheaper than most the technology-clad plain kits from say…Assos as an example? So, I don’t care how people will perceive me. But, that’s just me.
I am a roadie and I applaud anyone who goes outdoor and ‘exercise’ period. What you wear, as long as it’s not a health risk disaster waiting to happen, then I don’t care. One of my friends uses duct tape to tape over ventilation holes on his cycling shoes in Winter so he could ride a little deeper into the season without wearing a pair of booties. I couldn’t careless if the duct tape color was pink. I thought his idea was cool as heck.
You might look ridiculous to some people with varying degrees of shallowness at first. But if you are determined and tried your best to better yourself, it will show and you will make a friend or two each ride. If not, heck, keep on riding!!
January 3rd, 2009 at 5:34 pm
I don’t care what other people think because I don’t want to be a PRO try hard!
I’m in it for the exercise. I’ll wear normal shorts and a shirt, so what about a little extra wind resistance. I’m more interested in my heartrate!
January 3rd, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Umm, you guys realize that this article was for amusement, right? It’s pretty startling the number of people who felt the need to jump on here and vindicate their own riding practices, sensitive much?
HEADS UP: No one is going to kick down your door and steal your reflectors and helmet mirrors, nor will they thrown away your sweatpants and force you into a pair of Lycra shorts.
Finally, for the mountain bikers out there, just because you wear baggier shorts and your helmets come with little visor-thingys, there’s no need to piss on the roadies of the world. The two sports are just about as connected as tennis and basketball – they both use a ball, but does Michael Jordan feel the need to whine about Pete Sampras? No. No he doesn’t…
January 3rd, 2009 at 7:18 pm
According to Wikipedia, a TOOL is ‘an insult, describing someone who is being used by an establishment willingly (as a sycophant), or unwillingly (as one who blindly conforms). Alternatively, the insult “tool” can imply that a person is unable (or unwilling) to form an independent opinion on a given topic.’
Which, if I’m not mistaking, sounds like anybody who’d read these ten tips and actually follow them. Sorry, but the first comment nailed it – this is really lame.
January 4th, 2009 at 12:13 am
When I was 13 and first started cycling, I rode a big ass mountain bike with a fluro green jersey and tried to ride like a pro.
I was an A-Grade tool but still a kid that had no idea.
So this gave me a laugh and brought back some memories.
With all this said, if you’re just starting and have a flash bike, super gear with top of the line bike computers and heart rate monitors, you’ll end up looking like a show pony lol
January 4th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
RULE 1-HOG WASH. If I want to wear a team kit I will. Matter of fact I just got a Rock Racing kit and it is bad###. I won’t wear leaders jerseys or world champ stuff but wearing a team kit is no different that wearing your Brett Favre jersey to a football game. Yeah you dont wear the whole uniform that would be stupid. But team kits, if you want to wear it do it-be ready to ride of up front though.
January 4th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
articles like this are why I dislike almost everyone who considers themself a true “roadie”. I ride my road bike 2k – 3k per season including many tough mountain centuries in addition to my 2k per season mt. biking and my 900 miles commuting. So, what I’m saying is, I’m a true bicyclist. I even do ALL my own bike maintenance. I know roadies who can’t even true a wheel. What I can’t understand is where these roadies get their attitudes? Ride your bike however you like with whatever clothing or accessories you want. Just ride and open up your mind. Attitudes are for closed minded individuals.
January 4th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Ride quietly and ride a big gear (in pink preferrably).
January 7th, 2009 at 11:00 am
At times this article starts out funny and seems to be meant as a joke, then some points seem like it’s actually trying to make a point. Perhaps the flaw is in the the writing style? No over the top enough to make it obvious that it is meant to be funny?
January 9th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
This was a great laugh. #4 is because chicks dig shaved legs. Years ago I was stopped at a light and a cutie rolled up next to me and asked if she could feel my leg, of course I said fine – I keep hoping it will happen again – 20 years later!!!
January 10th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
i don’t wear a helmet, i know its not smart but i saw an article on people that got hit and i’d rather be dead than be paralyzed.the helmet will help my pumpkin, but not my spine.the clipless tip is good also, the rest lame.
January 10th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
also, the point is to get people out riding, not to scare them away from spandex.put on your favorite t-shirt and a pair of shorts and go for it.yah, throw the helmet in there too, but don’t worry about all the fancy clothes. just ride…..
January 15th, 2009 at 11:13 am
How about just riding fast and stop worrying about such nonsense, jackass?
January 15th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
D-BAG is the only word that describes the author. I ride a fixed gear with street clothes with my bushy legs hanging out. The only 2 reasons I wear my nice helmet is to live after a fall and to spear tackle spandex whores that point at me while I’m riding. Get out and ride and who gives a damn what you wear. This country is FAT! So the more people the better on a bike. I cant count how many times I have out-paced douche bags like this guy on my fixie wearing street clothes while being blinded by their coco buttered legs. Yea chicks really dig dudes with shaved legs that have no better excuse than if you fall it helps. WOW! I never respond to this crap but this was worth waisting 2 minutes. No one looks more foolish than a group of spandex creeps that resemble an oiled up penis rolling down the road.
January 27th, 2009 at 8:32 am
Fixie = EMO.
Go jump on another bandwagon, bro, the Fixie scene has already left the station.
February 4th, 2009 at 6:04 am
What a load of rubbish !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 18th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
122 Responses! Damn, roadies sure like to blabber a lot.
P.S. I got the link from mtbr.com
February 19th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Dudes, Dudes come on!! I thought the article was entertaining!! I thought some of the information was useful being a “rookie” myself.
February 20th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Wow it is an entertaining article from someone who has an opinion, if it doesn’t apply to you click the button and keep it moving. Riding is great, knowing how to ride is better and team kit or not it’s preference. Some say it’s better to look god than be good, some say be good and screw how i look. If Bill Gates wore a better cut suit and got his hair done and sported some contacts does that change why he does things the way he does? It’s Kurt’s opinion and observation. If Lance or Eddy or some well know cyclist wrote the piece would you comment the same? Come on people get good equiptment, good foundation of riding and be yourself……isn’t that what used to matter?
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:01 pm
While I agree with your points on general road manners and i agree with staying away from garish accessories… full fingered gloves , goggles, disc wheels, I could go on.. . I couldn’t disagree with you more on professional kit. I for one, feel that a well dressed rider will be welcome in any group as long as he can handle his machine and keep up the pace.
My pet peeve is riding with the cats that show up in the yellow and orange bert and ernie jersey, the green cannondale socks and the navy blue shorts all courtesy of nashbar. Anyone who takes the time to, shave, carefully match his kit, and yes in the extreme case coordinate the bicycle shoe covers etc., should at least get a few style points. And by the way I love a brilliant set of shoe covers, and I don’t limit myself to black or white ( how dull).
Lets face it, if you can’t ride like a pro, and most of us can’t sacrifice that kind of time; you might as well look great while your suffering up a climb. That is it’s own reward. Express yourself.
February 28th, 2009 at 11:24 am
If you are so caught up in trying not to be a dork that you feel the need to make a list of the thing’s that will help other people not get laughed at like you once did youre still a closet dork hiding behind shaved leg’s. Get a life bro!!!
March 1st, 2009 at 9:41 pm
The article was fine as (self) satire, but ceased to be so when the author came on and started offering to race a commentator who disagreed with him. You do a disservice to the sport. The douchebag label must stick now.
March 9th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
Nothing screams douchebag more than someone who publishes a list about what others should/should not wear or do…pathetic.
March 9th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
11. Paying attention to what other people tell you to wear or how to ride, rather than just going out to ride in whatever you like, just because you love to bike.
March 28th, 2009 at 8:10 am
>>Sure, full Disco kits scream Fred, but a wisely chosen Pro kit can be very cool for a cyclist with no racing intentions. For example, I’m terrible at basketball, but love the sport. So when I go down to shoot some hoops, do I wear a jersey from my local DII college? No, I wear my Jordan 23 jersey. >>
Exactly! It’s fun to rock the garb of ANY team (from any sport) you love! I see guys playing baseball or softball with Cubs, Yankees, and Dodgers caps and jerseys all of the time, but nobody seems to think anything of it! Same with the basketball example above. My opinion about team kits is this: any team gear that I wear will show my knowledge, appreciation, and admiration of Coppi, Bartali, Merckx, Hinault, Fignon, Bugno, Boonen, Cavendish, or Contador, is cool, but I don’t pretend to BE them! I’m just a fan of the sport of cycling! The efforts, the heroics, the traditions, the history, the pave, the idiosyracies, the embrocations, the shaving, the drilling of components, etc., etc., – I LOVE ALL OF IT even though I will NEVER ride as well as a PRO – only as well as I push myself, enjoying every mile of it! Bottom line: do whatever you want. You only get one life, and there’s no “one way” to do it! ALLEZ, rouleurs!!! (and poseurs!)
March 28th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Karl Says:
December 10th, 2008 at 9:16 am
In the same way, a full Cofidis (not Astana or Garmin) kit can come off nicely on your Saturday morning coffee ride.
So what’s wrong with Astana??? I have a Trek 2.1 compact…w/Astana color scheme(I changed the white bar tape to the light blue!)…and recently bought a Giro Ionis w/Astana Team colors. No I probably won’t get the whole kit…well maybe a jersey. I’m just getting back into road biking after a 24 yr. hiatus from it..back when I had a maroon colored Peugeot 10-speed…haha. Yeah I did “tip’ over the other morning on the way too work while circling around in the lane waiting for the light to change…embarrassing as hell! Well at least it was still dark out and only 2 cars saw me!
March 30th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Gel in hair … coolest helmet.
Man …I really need to dump my Gelati GIS cycling hat
April 26th, 2009 at 9:49 am
I totally agree with all this. All you idiots out there who look like tools ridding a bike gives the rest of us something to laugh at. And yes, we will se you at the finish line, when we are looking back to see how far back you are!
The last thing I would want is to look like all the weekend warriors, or club riders with antlers on their helmets, or charity ride morons that ride all over the road one day a week- oh yeh, they have race numbers so I guess it is ok.
Bottom line, If I think I’m fast I will be and try to ride-train-race better. If I need to look a certain way, I will if it puts me in the right mindset to ride better. SHAVE YOUR LEGS and wear your Lycra you homophobic nitwits because that is what I really think it must come down to. People who look good, and the homophobes who are threatened. Whats worse then all of this is the weekend warrior Harley bikers, all looking like mega tools just because they are on a bike.
Come to think of it all of you are tools! How about them apples?
May 4th, 2009 at 7:09 am
Wow, the only thing worse than a Fred is a darn retrogrouch. You know, the guy who goes on about how his 1980’s era steed is somehow superior to any relatively new bike. I guess he expects everyone to find a rusted out bike along the road, fix it up with borrowed sandpaper and spraypaint and ride it to victory in the weekly training races like he thinks he could. “10-speeds! My seven speed goes up the mountain just fine…” Don’t even get me started on the guy that told me spandex was hotter than denim trousers and long sleeve shirts…
May 9th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Where are aerobars on this list? Unless you’re a triathlete or training for a time trial you look and usually ride like an idiot. I can’t tell you how many aerobar riding weenies I’ve buried. From time to time I let one of these dudes pass me on the downhill on purpose so I have a target to drop on the climb out. There’s nothing better than zipping by turning low gear, high cadence and seeing the expression on their face when they can’r react. Like Lance to Ullrich in the 2001 TDF …you’re by B… dude
May 9th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
Where are aerobars on this list? Unless you’re a triathlete or training for a time trial you look and usually ride like an idiot. I can’t tell you how many aerobar riding weenies I’ve buried. From time to time I let one of these dudes pass me on the downhill on purpose so I have a target to drop on the climb out. There’s nothing better than zipping by turning low gear, high cadence and seeing the expression on their face when they can’r react. Like Lance to Ullrich in the 2001 TDF …you’re by B… dude
May 15th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
anyone with any brains knows not to ride a true road bike with reflectors. However, do some research and you will see that reflectors are 100x brighter than the best lights as far as visibility goes. If you don’t want hit use reflectors to be seen and have a light so you can see. Seriously.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
The article serves it’s purpose. 1) entertain, 2) help you not be ‘that guy/gal’.
Helmets, yup, buy a nice one you feel comfortable in and want to wear. Skimping on helmet or bike clothes and not feeling comfortable will just hamper you enjoying your ride.
Full team kits … they are a bit much when it’s socks, gloves, cap, jersey, gillet, shorts, helmet, bike, bottles … unless it’s been worn as more of a costume, for a race or special ride … a full merckx wool molteni kit on an older steel bike, that impresses me. Someone who looks like they went into the LBS and said ‘I want everything Lance has’, that screams too much money and no imagination to me.
June 6th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
I like my rearview mirror. It keeps me safe. When I see a big rig, I get the hell out of the way.
June 7th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Good funny article w/ illustrative pics. I suppose some people took offense because they thought it was going to be about how to be a better rider, or better person. Geez, this wasn’t intended to be the ’sermon on the mount’. Ironically, in a sport so full of dweebs, this is an article about ‘image’.
Anyways, as the author says, none of this applies to the recreational cyclist. Personally, I think professional riders look more than a bit ridiculous. Think Mario Cippollini. Seriously, why would any self respecting weekend warrior, with a real job, want to look anything like that?
When the porfessional riders stand on the podium after a stage win, they often look like a member of the special olympics all decked out in their effeminate euro-trash lycra and shaved legs.
Not for me: I’m a weekend warrior, recreational cyclist who rides the latest carbon fiber bike in 100% cotton clothing. And the onlu other riders I even acknowlege on the road are the one that clearly don’t take this all so seriously. You know the ones with a camelback or a mirror!
Anyways, good article..and that pic with ‘ridonkulous’ in the caption was too funny.
June 8th, 2009 at 4:22 am
‘acknowledge’.., typo correction
June 9th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Lots of different views about the matter. As a newbie, i guessed the safety part/pack riding is the most helpful. I do greet riders just because i’m nice, sometimes the other riders initiate the gestures and so far i’ve only been snubbed a couple of times. As far as #1, I like wearing FULL kits that matches my bike, because they are cool for me. One of the biggest indication that i’m a newbie would be my pedal,,, i don’t like clipped pedal so i used strapless toe clip with my bike shoes which is an Bont RL MTB that i used both for my Hardtail and road bike (maybe someday i’ll give it a try). I think the bottom line is that as long as you don’t endanger, offend or hurt other riders, the only thing that matter is your opinion. I hope to continue to love this sport,,, enjoy
June 10th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Ride early in the morning and fast, it’s the best. I passed a guy recently who was doing just that. He was going to get breakfast but was going the long way around , smiling and enjoying himself. he was 80. He gets it.
June 22nd, 2009 at 6:51 pm
I was entertained by this article. No one needs to take offense at anything said here, people are entitled to their opinions. With all that junk out of the way, I’ll say the first thing I did to my Specialized was remove the reflectors off the wheels and front-facing white lens. I do wear Spandex, and at 150lbs I look good in it. A safety-rated helmet is a must, and just recently I upgraded to a stylish Garneau; fits my melon perfectly! No leg shaving, yet, but after 15 years of some serious(not pro)riding, I don’t care what some racers may think. I am fit, proud to ride a bike, and hope to stay in great shape way past my 50th birthday next year. There is no way anyone would mistake me for a \rookie\, and hopefully not mistake me for some wealthy \poser\. Thank goodness I didn’t/don’t make more than a couple of those rookie errors…
June 25th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
I thought the article was great, very funny. I am an avid cyclist but when I started I did many of the things this article says not to do. I think many of you are taking this article too seriously.
As you become a more serious cyclist you do become more aware of your appearance and start to dress the part. I respect a cyclist regardless of how geeky he/she is dressed but if you dress like a cycling geek people will think your a beginner and I know plenty of cycling snobs. One of my fellow female cyclist mentioned to me rescently how other serious male cyclist ignored her on group rides until she got her Trek Madone 6.5. The bike didn’t make her a better cyclist (maybe a little faster) but it impressed others.
July 3rd, 2009 at 1:31 am
yeah it’s nice to look cool, but two things I don’t like about the article:
1> rear view mirrors – why not use one? That being said, I don’t use one but know plenty of cool cyclists that do – and they are never made fun of…
2> hydration systems – many good club cyclists I ride with like them, and I’ve never once seen anyone made fun of. They’re not my thing only because I don’t like having anything on my back.
in either of the above, hydration systems or a rear view mirror, properly used they can add to safety and should therefore not be discouraged.
Also, I believe people need to let their cycling do the talking, and this wasn’t emphasized. I’ve remember one guy that didn’t look too cool in Converse All Stars on rat traps and a ‘82 Nishiki drop “cool” looking guys on climbs. I’ve also seen really great “cool” looking cyclists that did not have good bike handling skills. There’s nothing more uncool than someone who looks cool and endangers the life of other cyclists in their riding style (e.g. unnecessarily passing on the right)
July 8th, 2009 at 10:23 am
This post is an example how bloggers should take a class in journalism and creative writing to hone their skills before writing for an audience. It was hard to tell weather this was meant to be a humorous blog entry that was funny, or a serious one that was so badly written that it accidentally came across as funny. I like this website, but these “Pro Reviews” and “How To” sections do need a bit of polish. The company should pay for these blog contributors to take a basic journalism class or intro to creative writing class at the local junior college or extension program. This is a very high traffic site, so it can be likened to say a successful newspaper, so invest some time and bump up the quality of the writing. Or get more qualified writers and dump the current crew.
July 9th, 2009 at 8:00 am
Anyone who takes this to seriously is a tool. These are good tips not to look like a TOOL. Come on people don’t be so damn serious. Have some fun!!
July 10th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
This BLOG has some people that have some beyond funny comments. I came looking for some information about newbie road riding and came out with some serious “gut cramps” from laughing. Some of the observations are spot on.
I am having fun just reading the comments.
Keep fit…. ride on!
July 15th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Wow… Where do I start? First, saftey… Use mirrors. Who cares how they look. If you toolaround at 30mph you might not one for obvious reasons. If you’re just an average road rider, It’s personal taste. And ya, I do want to know if someone’s intent on running me over. On the issue of attire, gimme a break. How many of you really want to see a 300 pounder in tights?
I do agree with the team stuff. How many of us plaster our cars with decals to match a stock car? Leave the team outfits to the team members…
The rest except for the good manners stuff is trivial at best.
I’m thinking about shaving off my eyebrows (kidding…) now that I know hair is so offensive!
July 17th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Leave the reflectors and plastic thingy on! There is nothing more fun than looking like a newby and then crushing a poser. If my bike was unavailable I used to ride my wife’s bike which had a kick stand. I always got a kick out of passing people on the way up the local mountain and seeing the look on their face when they go to the top and saw the bike on the kick stand.
July 21st, 2009 at 9:29 am
Why can’t we all…just…get along?
Any way, as you can see with all of these passionate comments, cycling is a dynamic and often misunderstood sport. I think the essence of the article is humor based on fact. That’s why it’s so funny….because you’ve either seen “that guy” or BEEN “that guy” at some point in your cycling life.
He didn’t say shave your whole body and build a macabre sewing studio in your basement while yelling “it puts the lotion in the bucket” with some psychotic techno music blaring in the background. He’s just going over some elemental “customs and courtesies” (as we call it in the military) of the biking culture.
I think it was BRILLIANT!
Well, back to my tri-bar, beach cruiser with kickstand and handle bar bell. But first, let me grab my ‘09 Astana kit, camel-back, BMX helmet and full set of reflectors…got another ride this tonight!
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:00 am
This was sarcasm, really (I hope). Sadly, many of you roadie dorks may take it seriously. Lighten up, you aren’t that cool actually.
July 26th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Tip #11 once you write article about stuff you have no idea what you are talking about you are going pro. *Thumbs up* Way to be pro author!
July 29th, 2009 at 9:15 am
As a 35 yr+ roadie i still have some wool shorts and old pro team jerseys that I don occasionally but I agree it’s mostly about being brightly colored so the cars will have a tough time not seeing me. With regard to the mirror comment, I can only say that my unobtrusive sunglass mtd. mirror has saved me from being run off the road when out solo, or with 1 or two others, on more that one occasion. In these days of text messaging teens in only takes 3 feet of drift and you are toast.Waving or nodding to other cyclists is just being friendly and probably a throwback to the days when the club was much smaller. Cycling is a beautiful sport of the synergy between man(or woman) and machine regardless of attire. Keep spinning!
July 30th, 2009 at 1:32 am
This article is rediculous and embarrassing.
August 2nd, 2009 at 10:26 am
Tip #9:
Andy Schleck did the 2nd individual time trial in this year’s TdF with an hydration pack. Does that make him a cycling rookie?
Cyclists shave their legs to make the masseur’s job an easier one. Sports massage involves hard rubs and leg hair, even short one, does get pulled out on occasion if you don’t shave your legs. Anyone sentencing a cycling amateur that he must shave his legs because of any other reason is just ignorant about the sport.
Also, outlandish grimaces and other facial expressions are NOT a must in pack riding, except in sprint finishes. They’re just stupid. You don’t want to give out to the competition that you’re suffering anymore than they are.
Fortunately, road cycling is an old but still small enough sport in my country and a majority of the riders ignore the rules and just enjoy themselves. It’s not like they’re taking up a religion.
August 4th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Shaving your legs makes sense even without a masseuse waiting at home after the ride: sweating is one of the ways the body cools down/dissipates heat. This is happening when sweat evaporates from your skin. This works better with shaven legs than when droplets of the sweat cling to strands of hair. Not shaving because of what people might think when you are off the bike is as stupid as doing it to look cool to other cyclists when on the bike. If you are really hairy, beleve me, you will notice the difference on a hot ride!
August 5th, 2009 at 12:30 am
What cycling dweeb wrote this article? I bet he or she is a ball to bike with. If you care about how look while cycling, you should probably just drive your car.
My legs may look great if shaved, but I’ll be damned if I’ll shave them (I’m a male BTW); the reason pros shave their legs is that hairy legs are uncomfortable when massaged. I suppose that, if I had a masseuse, I’d have my legs.
August 7th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
I think this article needs a huge caveat about bicycle messengers.
I am an “intermediate” road cyclists and adhere to most of the above rules simply because form usually follows function. I live in an urban area and quite often come across bicycle messengers. They pretty much violate every rule above and look bad a$$ doing it. I most always get smoked by them on their single speeds and have even witnessed a world class triathlete on a training ride get burned by one on an uphill.
They are stuck up in their own way and have their own culture but I do bow down to the messengers because no one can compete with one in their element and they have more guts than any pro I’ve ever seen. So I guess my point is that if you really don’t want to look like a fool you need to have legs of steel. No one will make fun of you when you smoke them on the uphill. I think you look more like a fool if you adhere to all the rules in the article and I blow by you.
August 12th, 2009 at 4:29 am
I am amazed that the black socks issue isn’t mentioned. Black socks are totally uncool for anybody. Be it a rookie or a pro.
August 18th, 2009 at 11:22 am
These tips ARE NOT LAME. They’re very useful for a novice (and hilarious).
My family rides a lot so we’re hip to the ‘rules’ (but I’ll never get my
hairy Italian husband to shave his legs, even though he rides centuries often).
We have a few friends who have just bought bikes and are otherwise athletes.
But they are breaking all the rules and embarrassing us. So this list helps
a lot – we make them all read it before we let them ride with us.
Black socks are fine if you have black shoes and black bike shorts. Sock Guy rocks.
August 18th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Ha, ha, ha… this is hilarious! Most of the postings are comically extreme! It was WAY more fun than reading the Sunday comics! It made me want to get rid of my run of the mill cycling clothes and go out and get me some totally outlandish togs, with antlers, etc! It made me realized just how much of a tool of the cycling industry and culture I have become by letting myself be sucked in by such nitpicky details. Especially since I ride for the way it makes me feel “free.” I’m usually a pretty easy going guy that tends to get along with most people, but it seems like it would be great fun to go against cycling cultures rigid and binding mores on this! It would also provide the added benefit of entertainment while I ride, because if you really think about it, the aghast looks on the faces of uppity people, as they shudder in horror, make them look very silly.
Seriously though, like one of the dudes above said, “Why can’t we all just get along?”
P.S. I won’t condemn you for shaving your legs if you want to, but I will NEVER shave my legs… again. To hell with that… and to hell with anyone who has a problem with that. It’s MY body. As a MANLY man, I reclaim my right to be as hairy as King Kong. So, keep you feminine looking gams!
August 20th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Let me just add that I wrote this article giving people tips IF they care about how they look. And for dudes like Jason who want to rock togs and antlers, more power to you bro! I would personally LOVE to see that! Especially if you could show up to a group ride and drop bombs.
Roadies take themselves waaay to seriously. It’s part of the reason why I wrote this article. It helps those who are new to the sport and care about fitting into racing circles a guide on how to not get laughed out of the peloton. But in the end, as some people have pointed out, regardless of how you dress, just get out there, have fun and stay fit.
Kurt G.
August 23rd, 2009 at 1:07 am
bike snops don’t be one different strokes for different folks
August 25th, 2009 at 6:05 am
Attention- it’s called ‘cycling’ NOT ‘biking’
August 27th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
I hope this was written a little tongue and cheek. If not??
I would say you are being a bit of a snob. I bike in 112F for 2 hours (road bike) at a time, a camelbak just makes sense. Hey at least I am out there trying!
Cheers.
August 27th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Hi: My $.02. I’m sure the author of this is a great guy. It sounds like he has lots of interests to me, and that’s a honorable thing. One thing I noticed is that he lives in San Diego. San Diego is an incredibly image conscience town. I have some experience there, as my parents have lived many years in the area. Image is important and so is being accepted by the greater group, in this case the peleton…
Also, as important as image is, not being hit by an automobile is of equal or greater import. Your image goes the second your facial structure leaves you. Seeing and being seen all plays into this, so I’ll be Fred, Tool, Huck, D.B., or whatever it takes to help insure some modicum of safety. Not necessarily on every single ride, but on the ones that I consider riskier.
So forget about what San Diego buddy thinks, don that light, reflector, team-kit, so you can see-and-be-seen. In San Diego (and even here in cow-town Denver), isn’t that what it’s all about?
September 1st, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Don’t be concerned with the fluff and the guys with the fancy bikes most expensive clothing etc..just ride and enjoy and train and when you see that person just ride on by and watch him trying to figure out how you are so fast when he has all the equipment… its all about the engine not the equipment to a point.. have fun and enjoy all the benefits of biking…most people are good guys in biking but a few need lessons and be an individual…
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:31 am
Well, if you really know what cycling is about, first of all you wouldn’t ride Shimano equipment, ’cause that really makes you look like a dork (even with shaved legs)…
September 2nd, 2009 at 7:19 pm
The author tips define the kind of douchbags I hate riding with…
September 7th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
I don’t agree with most of the tips at all
I just started riding and do follow most the “road” etiquette rules so accidents don’t happen. But really….I think you can don whatever you need to feel safe, wear whatever makes you feel good and just ride 
September 11th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Ahh… a trip down memory lane. Nothing like being able to visit that judgemental kid from 6th grade who never grew up and gets excited about heart monitors and men with shaved legs.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:34 am
60-year old male here riding a 25-year old Torelli vintage steel bike…. picked up cycling again after 20 year hiatus in the corporate world and grew up riding a bike in Europe. Your article is amusing but so pompous in many regards giving roadies a bad rep. Just ride and have fun. Ride safe, use a helmet and use a mirror, wear what is comfortable and something you like and can be easily seen – the more noticable the safer you’ll be. Motorists here just don’t see cyclists many times – it’s a proven fact; they look but don’t see! How cool can you look after being hit by a car? Some fun facts here but also some pompous “do’s and don’ts”.
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:17 am
Why doesn’t someone make lightweight, aero wheel reflectors? They do provide visibility from the side that rear and front facing lights don’t. Just bought a Madone with these god-awful ones that look like they came off a kid’s Huffy.
January 28th, 2010 at 4:35 pm
amazing! the tool to cyclist ratio is like 10:1